Side effects

Monday was Clara Jean's third weekly chemo. The process itself isn't that big of a deal. Especially since she knows what to expect now. But it seems like there is always a surprise. Monday it was that Clara has gained 5 pounds since our last chemo, a week ago. The steroids make her hungry and she is eating non-stop. The other surprise was that Dr. Whitlock is back to being worried about the diabetes insipidus. Clara Jean goes to the bathroom all the time. That is one of the big signs. So, they are running more tests and may go back to doing the water deprivation test. UGH!


All week, she has been tired. It seems like she doesn't sleep well the night that she has chemo. And I can hardly keep up with her eating, she wants me to feed her all the time. School starts in a couple of weeks and I am worried. Clara will be almost done with her weekly chemo by then, so hopefully after that she will start to feel better. As much as she is sleeping and as tired as she still gets, I don't know how she is going to make it through the day.

Thursday seems to be her worst day. She is worn out and easily frustrated. I can see it coming on, she gets a very worried look on her face and usually ends up in tears. I am doing a better job of diffusing the situation before it gets out of hand. I guess I have learned what usually works and what doesn't. Sometimes nothing works and I just have to let her cry it out. One of the doctors told me that her reactions to things would be more like a preschooler's than a 2nd grader's, and he was right. I know that a 7 year old isn't at the age were they can truly reason, but her sense of reason seems to be completely gone. The medication and the stress from what she has had to endure has made her scared, clingy and unsure. Life isn't all fun and games anymore, like it should be when you're seven. And like it certainly was for Clara Jean. She didn't have a care in the world, she was a happy, active little girl. Now she is nervous. Now she is worried.

My sweet friend Debbie sent me an email in the last week or so with the verse that she had been praying for Clara Jean. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Clara and I have read and talked about this verse. I can tell you that she absolutely has been strong and courageous. But she has also been afraid. I have been afraid. Our entire family has been afraid. But we are learning. We are doing everything we can to remember the last part of that verse. That God is with us all the time.