Week Five

Today was supposed to be CJ's fifth chemo. It didn't exactly go the way I had expected it to. Every week they do blood work. They have to check her counts to make sure that her immune system is where it should be. Last week one of the nurses actually told me that she doesn't really worry about counts with the drug that Clara Jean is on. Vinblastine just doesn't normally cause any trouble. Well, we aren't exactly normal now, are we??

After they draw the blood they run it through some type of electronic testing machine. If the numbers are borderline then they send it down to a real lab, with real people. That is what happened with Clara Jean today. Her numbers were borderline so her blood was sent to the lab and we waited for the counts to come back. Turns out they were actually worse than the first reading. Don't get me wrong, they weren't awful. They just weren't great. So, no chemo this week. No school this week. (School starts on Thursday.) No McDonald's Play Place this week. (We don't go to McD's every week, but you get the point.) We have to be very careful about the germs CJ is exposed to. The thought is that with a break from the chemo for a week, her numbers will bounce back and next week we'll pick up right where we left off. I was so glad that CJ was going to be almost done with her weekly chemo treatments when school started, but now we may be adding a week.

Speaking of school, Dr. Whitlock told us today that he doesn't see Clara making it even a half-day at school, much less a full day, for a little while. He said maybe a few hours! Oh, it just keeps getting more and more fun.

Today we met a mom and her daughter in the chemo "common area". The mom's name was Robin and the little girl's name was Savannah. Savannah is nine. She has no hair, she is pale and she had a smile on her face pretty much the whole time. Savannah is battling cancer, for the THIRD time! The third time. Wow. She first had cancer when she was five. Right now she does chemo five days in a row and then has a couple of weeks off. I was wondering today how the doctors decide something like that. How do they know how much and how often? I was wondering why some little kids get cancer, some over and over. And some live full, healthy lives? I was wondering why some cancer patients are treated, get well and continue to live full lives and some get sick again. I was wondering why Clara Jean has to go through this. Why does my daughter have to be sick? And why has my daughter been spared? She's sick and she's been spared. It could have been so much worse.

Tonight I have mixed emotions. I am heart broken for Clara. I feel guilty for feeling so sad, when my child is going to live. I feel apprehensive about what is ahead. And then, a smile comes across my tear streaked face. A smile because I know that God is here. He has answered our prayers. He has taken care of us, probably in ways that we don't even realize. Psalm 91:1-2, He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."